Saturday, July 08, 2006

Don't Mess with His Blue Suede Shoes

Pyongyang - Sources close to a senior advisor of North Korean President Kim Jong Il have revealed exclusively to Blog-Jam the true motive for the multiple missile launchings of the past week. The provocative missile firings have been condemned by most world leaders and have led to a flurry of diplomatic head scratching.

What was the Dear Leader thinking?

Trying to intimidate neighbors? Trying to placate his own military-industrial complex? Trying to gain leverage for direct talks with the U.S.?

None of the above.

Blog-Jam has learned that the Dear Leader ordered the missiles fired in a fit of pique over President Bush's and Japanese Prime Minister Koizumi's recent visit to Graceland in Nashville.

Sources close to President Kim say he is a devoted Elvis fan, and often wears glittering costumes and bejeweled necklaces under his drab jump suit. His hair, they say, should be a dead give-away. Three stylists work on it every morning to give it that rock star quality. They are then taken out and shot so as not to reveal Mr. Kim's secret. One source also indicated that the Dear Leader watches Elvis videos every weekend. He particularly enjoys the films The King made with Ann-Margret, and even tries to emulate Elvis's dance steps in his own pair of blue suede shoes.

The senior advisor revealed to Blog-Jam that he saw President Kim repeatedly watching U.S. news footage of Bush and Koizumi's visit to Graceland, becoming more agitated with each viewing. Only hours later he gave the order to send the missiles flying toward Japan and the U.S.

Our source indicated that an invitation to Graceland by President Bush might be all it would take to calm the Dear Leader and get him to stand down North Korea's missiles. It would help, he added, if Priscilla, Lisa Marie and Ann-Margret joined in the tour.